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jleigh09 39, Female, United Kingdom - 35 entries

Sep 2006
12:09 PM WET

Ok so its been 3 months since my son was born and he is so beutiful he feels a space in my life that no one could ever feel. the love for my child is a love that cant be explained. Any monther would know that being a mum is being just that 'a mum' and finding time to just be me is hard. I'v changed in myself and sometimes i hate it my confidence my self esteam my body eveything and i dont know how to deal with it my relationship with my partner feels different the touching and the cuddling up seems non exsisting is it me? or is it just he has changed to? he used to make me feel sexy and special and all the things a women wants to feel but now hes tired all the time coz of his job and i just feel so rejected i know he loves me i just wish sometimes he would show it more i'm not a single mum but somedays i feel it. My partner isnt around we dont live together we cant afford private housing so i live with my parents and on the days we see each other i just want a bit of a break and he doesnt understand why. he is OUR son? is it so wrong of me to expect a little help from his father? i know he works hard but being a full time mum although full filling is hard work and tirering with lack of sleep and my son doesn't settle during he day so i am constantly on my feet or trying to get him to sleep or just occupying him. dont get me wrong i enjoy it but some times it is nice to have a day where i can relax just a bit. i just wish my partner would understand. everyday i look at myself god i hate what i see i feel so unattractive does he see the same? i dont know what to think sometimes my whole world has changed and as much as i love my world i'm not keen on me any more i want my confidence back i wanna like myself.I'm so scared that my son will one day see what i see in myself i love him i just dont want to dissapoint him.

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1 comment(s) - 08:25 AM - 09/20/2006

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Peterparker 50, Male, USA - 24 entries

Sep 2006
7:09 PM EDT

I agree. One has to create the type of person he/she wants to be. We all are born with propensities for certain behaviors, and are also indfluenced by our experiences. However, there is still room to fix our imperfections that can hinder us in our professional and personal lives.

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Theblues1 57, Male, USA - 18 entries

Sep 2006
4:42 PM EDT

Im new at this.im told i should keep a journel... And so i am. I found this on google. I like this one the best, out of the three that i found.i do have a question of anyone that reads this. Wats the address to send pics? Please let me know Thanx. My day went ok. I got angry at a couple ppl. But over all it went well today. Ran my errands went food shopping came home. Thats about it.

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Theblues1 57, Male, USA - 18 entries

Sep 2006
4:41 PM EDT

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jleigh09 39, Female, United Kingdom - 35 entries

Sep 2006
9:24 PM WET

This is my second entry today it feels good you know to just let my thougths out. Today i have said things that are bothering me about myself and how my insecureties cause me to question everything. i dunno if anyone will understand where i am coming from but if there is anyone that does its nice to know i'm not alone and what is nice is that i can express how i feel publicly and noy have anyone i know question how i feel or doubt me etc. Everyday i just wish for more then what i have i want to be with my partner and son i want us to live together but its impossible here property is so expensive private renting is no match for the minimun wage anyone who has been to England might know what i mean. i live at home with my parents and my nan plus my brother 17 and sister 18 and it crowded we have a nice house but there just to many of us in it. I am great with my son and i'm a great mum but my nan just cant help but interfear all the time "do this" "do that" , "he is due a bottle" , "ur doing it wrong he feels insecure with you!" i mean all she ever does i tell me how to raise him an what to do and i hate it i'm his mum i know when he is hungry and i know i dont need her advice i hate the way she makes m feel useless with him it really gets to me. All she does is sit in the living room all dat watching t.v. she doesnt do anything she is the hypercondriac(excuse spelling) from hell shes always got somehting wrong with her ven if it is just a head ache. Sometimes i just wanna scream at her. I wish she could be more grateful for what my parents do for her and be more considerate of what they want. MY nan had cancer and it was caught really early and i have a friend who is dying from it and she doesnt act no where near like my nan she enjoys life and makes the most of it my nn just waists it and acts like she is dying why cant she be grateful for what she got and be grateful for what she hasny got if you know what i mean. i dont have much of a relationship with her so living with her for the past 2 years is hard she never really made an effort with me as a kid just ran me down and made me feel like crap and now im 19 she still does it. She drives me crazy and i cant talk to my family i dont wanna upset them i hate living here and i hate being around her i cant help it i just want my own space and do my own thing and be with the people i love the most. my nan never really made me feel like she loved ,e and i find i really hard to feel that strong about her she always made me my bro and sis feel like outcasts of the family she never really made an affort with us.

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kittyneedsspace 34, Female, Canada - 7 entries

Sep 2006
4:02 PM AST

hay just when things seem to get brighter .. well let's say they didnt now I have choice to make to see him or not aAAAAHH what's a teenage girl to do!

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1 comment(s) - 07:27 PM - 09/20/2006

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rainy1 29, Female, USA - 3 entries

Sep 2006
2:50 PM EDT

what?

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mccreight29 53, Female, Georgia, USA - 19 entries

Sep 2006
8:28 AM EDT

For what ever reason my mood seems to be much better lately. My son is doing well in school.. I am happy at work..Rog and I are getting along well and things are on an even keel. I do love the fall. I am looking forward to holloween and christmas. its the one time of the year I can really let loose and be creative. I guess I am happy. So this is what it feels like.

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redshotlizard 37, Female, Georgia, USA - 17 entries

Sep 2006
7:18 PM HNT

ok so I had a confusing day. I was just asked the question "Would you go out with me?" What the heck was I sappose to do? I froze and stared at this guy. This is the guy that I love to flirt with because I have the biggest crush on him. I would never expect him to ask me out. I hope he means this because I would love to go out with him. But to be honest I would be so scared that I would ruin everything and that this guy would hate me and we would brake up and not be friends. I would hate for that to happen. I really like this guy and think he is georgous. He makes me laugh, he talks to me, he is really nice to me, and I feel comfortable around him. I just hope to God that he thinks I'm pretty and I mean on the outside and the inside. Because believe this or not I this this guy is great once you get to know him. Sometimes he sits at one of the lunch tables by himself and for the longest time I wondered why. But then I asked him and he says that sometimes he likes to be alone and sometimes he doesn't care who comes up to the table and sits with him. To be honest I like this guy because he notices me for who I am, he takes his time to listen to me and I can tell him anything because he likes to talk to me. He is just so sweet but my dad would ruin this all for me because he wants me 2 date christians and he's an athiest. Sorry but Mrs. De Melo once told me that those are the ones you can help God convert them because they don't understand or just don't know that's all. I think my mom might understand if they both don't I'll have Mrs. D. talk to them and one way or the other I'll find a way to date someone because I really want a boyfriend. I've been asked out a few times and my parents were like no he's not right for you and what's his religion? I want to have some freedom. Why do I have to have parents like this? I'm so confussed. I want to have someone to hug and to help me get through ruff times. I'm depressed all the time and some of this has to do w/ my parents, my sister and my brother. I just want to run away sometimes. I'm s confussed. Talk later, Elizabeth

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1 comment(s) - 02:29 PM - 10/04/2006

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eveycan2 49, Female, Illinois, USA - 5 entries

Sep 2006
4:15 PM CST

Today was such a hard day at work. on the upside I did some shoping, jeans are great. I just love this not to hot not to cold weather. Well another argument wth mario. I took a long drive after are arrgument about how im tired of being ignored. I decided im going to give him his space,I cant continue to be so worried about rather or not he loves me. instead i will treat him as im treated...non existant. I told him i would like to stay friends while we remain in the same apartment, But im definately going to start looking. I guess after 13 years you just slowly grow apart and I have to except that...

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